Things Every Nigerian Abroad Says When They Come Back Home For Christmas


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1. “Who are the network providers again?”

Ah! How many years and you don’t remember MTN?

2. “How do you load [insert network provider] credit again?”

I can’t even vex. I’m still here and I don’t even know it.

3. “I really missed [insert Nigerian food].”

Ehn! Go and eat na.

4. “Ugh! The internet is so slow here.”

Na so we see am.

5. “How much is that in [insert dollars/pounds]?”

You see yourself.

6. “Has light always been this bad?”

What are you asking?

7. “Oh! When did they renovate [insert first place they visit]?”

Let’s go, biko.

8. “OMG! It’s sooo hot.”

We apologize on behalf of the sun.

9. “How do you get to [insert place that is 5 minutes from their house] again?”

Don’t vex me, abeg.

10. “Ugh! Traffic is so terrible.”

You know all of you are adding to it sha.

11. “Do you know anywhere I can get [insert oyinbo thing]?”

Organic kini? Nope. Nah. Uhn-Uhn.

12. “So this place is still like this?”

It’s not your fault.

13. “Is [insert last spot they visited before leaving] still open?”

The spot is almost always a club.

14. “I think I’m reacting to the [insert water, food, or air].”

Ah! Sorry oh.

15. “Wow! They have [insert oyinbo thing] here now. That’s nice.”

We are trying small small.


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